I'm reminding myself of how much fun I'm having! I live in a beautiful place, in a toasty warm
house, I have 3 great kids, a husband who cares, good health, freedom.... I
could go on and on.
So often I have said something like: "Won't it be nice when the kids are all in school?" Or, "Things will be easier when we have a bigger house, or when we move. We are going to have so much fun traveling together once the kids are grown." This is me living in the future.
I have also lived in the past: "Wasn't it nice when the baby just sat in his bouncy seat all day, and didn't make messes? Remember how fun it was when we first got married and we could have a conversation without being interrupted?"
Right now I am listening to my 3-year-old in the next room, saying "I love you Elmo. I love you Elmo." This moment right now is precious and I am so glad I get to hear my children's voices in the house every day because one day they will walk out on their own.
As I look back on my life, I realize that I have wasted a lot of time living in the past or the future. The irony is that I have forgotten a lot of the bad stuff, and mostly remember the good. In actuality, there were hard things about being a newlywed with no children. Our kids brought purpose to our existence and made us less selfish. Yes, we could go to bed whenever we wanted, eat whatever we wanted, and pretty much do whatever we wanted. But in truth, we weren't nearly as fulfilled as we are now. Remembering good times is important, but longing for what was, or even regretting what was, is pointless, and only fills us with sadness.
I am trying to remind myself that this is the life I always wanted and that I am blessed beyond measure. Some days are hard. Yesterday was a tough day. But at the end of the day, I still had the pleasure of kissing my boys goodnight, and hearing the sweet words they say to me ("you're the best mom ever!"). I admit that it is not easy to keep it all together at times. There are days where I have a hard time maintaining a good attitude. days that try my patience, drain my energy, and zap the pizazz I had the previous day. Every day can't be wonderful. But I still appreciate the hard days because I know a good one is right around the corner. What would I have to measure the blessings to if there were no trials?
Today I will live in the moment. Today is what I always wanted. I am having fun, and someday I will look back and forget the hard stuff. I will remember the sounds of a happy household, hugs shared, goodnight kisses, watching movies under a blanket, playing hide-and-seek. Life is messy, sometimes chaotic, and always challenging, but that is only because I actually care about our quality of life. If I didn't care, it might be easier, but not nearly as rewarding. So while every moment isn't pure joy, I am doing what I want, and I couldn't be happier, or more grateful.